The air has a bite again, the leaves are turning orange, sweaters are coming out of boxes, and deliciously fresh unpasteurized cider is being swilled alongside moist and warm cinnamon donuts at cider mills across Michigan. It’s October 2006 and the Michigan gubernatorial election is upon us. Guys grab your hats, and girls grab your ankles because this year’s race is turning out to be one of the dirtiest in recent history.
A slimy and conniving lagoon-creature named DeVos has slithered from the frothy primordial ooze and has come forward ostensibly as a candidate for the Michigan governor’s office. This man has decided
The immediately following and preceding pieces of writing consist of nothing more than fair comment and criticism of a Michigan gubernatorial candidate. Any of the preceding or following statements are not meant to be inflammatory, and are opinion rather than fact. It shall be noted that it has been accepted by the U.S. Courts that a sufficiently public figure is “fair game” for all but the grossest libels.
that because his family has made an ungodly amount of money by conniving poor people into putting money into their blood-soaked hands, that he deserves to be governor. This man makes Nixon look like the Patron Saint of Truth, Justice, and the American Way. My fellow Michiganders, if we accomplish one thing in 2006, let it be to not allow a fundamentalist pyramid scheme crook to buy the governorship with money his daddy gave him.
Michigan is one of the few remaining bastions of rational thought (read: blue states) and god damn it if we let Mike Rogers and the rest of those red state bastards take it from us. Please, if you have any sense of pride for the state that raised you, vote for anyone but DeVos this November. He will only drive Michigan further into the tar pit of despair that is unemployment and poverty. Join me in voting against Dick and we can help Michigan emerge from the Swamp of Sadness, something Artex couldn’t do. (“Artex! You’re sinking”!)
From left: Michigan, the voters